Hello there ladies and gentlemen. Hello there ladies and gents. Would you like to do a number with me? Would ya like to?

Nothing starts off a day like a good quote from Cheap Trick, huh? Yeah. And you thought I was just being stupid. Well, okay.

So, what’s going on? It’s our Lucky #13, in case you hadn’t noticed. That might explain why it took us months to get this one together, but I gotta say that we’ve got a very fine issue on our hands. Our friend Sarah Leib was proofreading the articles for this Summer 1999 spectacular when she mentioned a lot of the stories had some kind of deeper social significance. Hmmm. I’d like to say we planned that, so, let me say that we planned that. There. Not the first lie you’ll read in your life.

We’ve been telling Burlington bands to get the hell out of town for a while now. You can only play so many gigs in the same place before people get sick of you. Trust us, we know. It doesn’t matter how good your band is, you’re at the mercy of a very fickle audience. The college students will only go to see your band if all their friends are already going to see you. What happened to all the leaders in the world? It seems like college students have all become a bunch of followers. That spells trouble for the future, unless of course you’re planning a career as a dictator. If you are, by God, have we got a town for you. And we’ve already got some dictators in waiting on the Burlington City Council. If you’re unfamiliar with our resident know-it-alls, they’re working everyday to limit your civil rights and over-regulate the downtown area. They don’t want bars to be able to throw all-ages shows anymore. Club Toast could not exist in Burlington today. Ever been to Hartford, CT at night? There’s not a human in sight after 5pm. Why? Because you can’t live there. There’s no grocery store. There’s no affordable housing. The bars and nightclubs have been forced out of business by an overzealous city government. Sound familiar? Welcome to Burlington, Vermont folks. Let’s change the name to New Hartford.

What happened to Mayor Peter Clavelle working for the little guys? Thanks for the Filenes store, I’m sure that will really help the people in the old north end. Who needs a grocery store anyway? Oh, I have a great idea, we’ll bus everyone out to Pine Street for grocery shopping, and then we can make more money for the transit system. Hmmm? Do you smell a plot? I hate to bitch, but while I’m at it, do you kind of get the feeling that poor people are being forced out of downtown Burlington? If you’re not a Discover Jazz loving, Sweet Tomatoes eating, RiRa drinking yuppie, we don’t want you here! Move to Hardwick or something, will ya?

Well, that’s quite an intro to a magazine with viperHouse on the cover, but viperHouse is a jazz band that embodies all things Vermont. They’re more than a jazz band. Theyr’e a Goddamned orchestra, really. Formed in the small town of Bristol, Vermont, Michael Chorney’s dreamband is an eclectic group of fine musicians of all ages who have written their own rulebook. They’re touring like mad and somehow they’ve kept a nine-piece band growing and thriving. No small feat.

And hey, if you want to check out a cool new nightclub with great live music, go to Montpelier. Yeah, that’s what I said. It ain’t in Burlington, and maybe that’s why they’re getting away with it. Read Chris Parizo’s interview with Emerald City owner (and former viperHouse member) Adam Woogmaster. And Be a Good Citizen, will ya? - Andrew Smith